Meet My Fam Part 5: Reynolds

This last chronicle of the Meet My Fam series is near and beer to my heart. It is about my first husband, Reynolds the farmer. Reynolds was the perfect hubbie; we met in the summer of '55 fishin by the waterwallows. He had glorious golden locks and a broad butt chin, but MAN did he stink!! I never took a picture of him (because cameras weren't invented yet). Anyway, in the summer of '07 Reynolds decided to go on a camping trip in Fragile Forest...alone...without me. Needless to say, he died. (I think it was because he couldn't bear his own stink.) So things went on as normal, I didn't realize he hadn't returned until the summer of '11, when we were filming Season 4 of Judge Mia. Fransisco and I had found REYNOLD'S DEAD BODY! It was in a ditch or something. Whatever. Anyway, then Fransisco caused a flood (don't even get me started) and it washed away Reynolds body. They made a symbolic gravestone in Reynolds Park, formerly Reynolds Farm. Goodie.

Reynolds "symbolic" gravestone. (Since his body was
washed away in a flood caused by Fransisco, it was never recovered)

So, here's the three things I liked best about Reynolds:

1. He had golden hair.
2. He was perfect.
3. He was Reynolds.

Really, there's only two things I hate about him:

1. He stank!
2. He died.

So, in light of the evidence, Reynolds ranks #1 in my fam! That concludes the Meet My Fam series, tune in next time!!!

Meet My Fam Part 4: Murphy

Murphy is my son-in-law thing. He is almost a clone of my daughter Matilda! It's a miracle that the twins found each other and got married!!!! Here's his pic:

Say it with me: B-B-B-BORING!

Anyway, Murphy is a countant at S.C. Shinypelt, the biggest company in Yonkers. He's always writing an apple report, in fact he's been working on the same apple report for three years! What is an apple report anyway? Whatever. All I care about is him getting a real job so Matilda and Murphy don't always have to come to me and Fransisco for moolah!!
I think Murphy is an orphan...cause he's never ever talked about his parents or any of his side of the fam. Come to think of it, I didn't even know Murphy until after he married Matilda! Whatever.
Okay, so here's what I like:

1. He's not...bad.
2. I couldn't think of anything else.

Here's what I HATE:

1. He's not...good...

Whatever. He's like, #4...I mean, at least he's okay...whatever. (If you can tell I'm getting a little bored of writing about all these boring people.)

Meet My Fam Part 3: The Twins

The twins: Marley and Maggie. They are my grandstufflings, and Maggie is three minutes older than Marley. Like I said before, I like Marley better. The twins are generally pretty good, I guess. The only prob bob is that they suck all the attention away from me to their cute lil faces!!! Not! Fair!

My lil' Marles!!

Let's start with Marley. I like him better than Maggie. He's really smart...kinda. He wants to be a star just like ME! Bless his soul. I like him better than Maggie. They say that his greatness comes from his dad's side of the family, but I know for a fact it's the result of a greatness gene directly from ME! I like him better than Maggie. He can sometimes be a pain though, like when he kept annoying me when it was Bring-Your-Grandson-to-Work Day at JMN, or when he hid his dirty diapers in my salad bowl and I got a stinky surprise! Crapola!

A living demon.

Now on to...shudder...Maggie. They say she's the prime of the litter just because she's three minutes older than Marley, but I know she's just a lil' DEMON! I mean, I don't know why; she just is, ya know? Sometimes she's okay, but ahduhnuh. Whatever.

I'm not going to do a top three thing since there's two of them, but I will say that Maggie is #5 (second to last), and Marley is #3. Whatever.

Meet My Fam Part 2: Matilda

Okay, I guess I have to write a post about my daughter Matilda. (Honestly, she's super boring.) Her dad was Reynolds, which might be why she hates her step-dad Fransisco so much. Also because Fransisco is ten years younger than her, but how does that make any difference? Whatever. Some might say she's a loving mother, devoted wife, and all that crap. Let's skip the formalities and get down to the TRUTH. Here's what she looks like:

(I didn't add the wretched wrinkles because I
envy her young beauty...because I DON'T.)

Need I say more? Now, here's the three things I like about her:

1. She's a chip off the old me.
2. She's...not Judge Maya...
3. I couldn't think of anything else.

And here's what I hate about her:

1. She is always criticizing me!
2. She hates Fransisco!!
3. She really boring and she made this post really short.

And that's why Matilda ranks #6, or last place in my fam series. Tune in next time!

Meet My Fam Part 1: Fransisco

Before I go on to all that thrify difty crap, I decided to write a short series introducing you to my fam! For each family member I will give you a brief description, the things I most like and hate about them, and where they rank in comparison to the rest of my fam. So, here's Fransisco!!!

Fransisco's an awesome hubbie...most of the time. Scrap that: never.

Fransisco is my second marriage after my first hub Reynolds who died in a camping trip (he was Matilda's dad). From the moment we met, Fransisco and I have known we'd be soul mates forever! Until right after the wedding, when I realized that he's kind of a...snob. I can't figure it out! One min he's great, and the next he's a monster! Also, sometimes he's a little suspicious because I keep finding frog-related food trash in the trash and when I ask him about it he gets red and bolts off like a wild baboon! Weird.

I found this fly-covered fruit roll up
in the trash just this morning!

Fransisco is a used car salesman, which might explain why he's a little suspish. And he also hates my daughter Matilda. But I couldn't have asked for a better hubzo!!!!!

Okay, on to the list. Here's the top three reasons why I like Fransisco:

1. He is small and furry.
2. He makes AMAZING aged mold cheese!
3. He's allergic to bananas so I get all of them.

Now, here's the top three reasons why I hate Fransisco:

1. He arouses suspishes.
2. He looks and smells like a piece of crap.
3. He's a freeloader cause he only makes a cent a year and we usually live off my paycheck! (Wait a minute...how does that work, after I quit and all...?)

After carefully weighing the evidence, I conclude that Fransisco ranks #2 on my list of favorite fam!!! Tune in next time when we babble in the life of Matilda!

When one door closes, another door opens

I cried.


My show, Judge Mia, had just been cancelled (well, I cancelled it...so sue me!). I was without a job...and a life. If you've been living under a rock for the last eleven years, let me tell you a little about myself:

Tee hee that's me!!!

I am Judge Mia! The name itself should send chills of reverence down your fluff. I used to have my own court show but I cancelled it because I wanted to have not a public life for once. I have an on-and-off hubbie named Fransisco (who is sometimes dreamy and sometimes I want to murder him).

Fransisco: angel or demon??

I live with my daughter, Matilda, and her family: her hub Murphy, and their twins who are in preschool: Marley and Maggie. I like Marley better.

Anyway, after I cancelled my show I devoted my life to blogging, and from now on I will document every moment of my life...as I may not have much time left... (did I mention I'm 87 years old?)