Me vs. Wild, Day 1

Okay, even though only one person voted (Buck, no doubt) it looks like I'm battling for survival in the waald! By the way, to those of you who have been suggesting that I'm NOT in hiding because how could I be in hiding when I keep posting on my blog, let me just clear things up. I brought my laptop with me and I'm powering it by erecting a behemoth lightning rod and using the lightning to power my laptop!!! Here's a pic of it:

But enough of that crap, it's time for ME VS. WILD! I'll be blogging LIVE during my adventures, so here I go!

DAY 1

It's time for me to get back to nature and live off the land, independent of any simpering fool but myself (I'm not a fool). I'm a little hungry. Maybe I should search for some wild berries or nuts. I'm walking through the woods. EEE! IT'S A BEAR! EEE! IT'S CHARGING TOWARDS ME BECAUSE IT CAN HEAR ME TYPING! Oh nevermind, it was just a log. Ugh, now I can really feel the stab of hunger. You can't be picky now Mia, survival is at steak. Mmm...steak...SHUT UUUUUUP!!! Am I talking to myself? Never. Now let's find some food. I'm walking through the woods. A DRAFT! Oh wait, there's always a draft outside. Whatever. Stop talking to myself. Stop it! SHUT UUUP!!! Whatever. Hey, look! Some mushrooms! OM NOM NOM! Yum...soggy. My throat feels a little sore...Ah! It's swelling up! I CAN'T BREATHE! Now there's a rash on my lips! QUICK, USE GRANDMA'S SPECIAL REMEDY! I just need to find some stinkweed before I pass out! Can't...breathe... jdsajhhfdbnvoidfnbfgFHNJFDSCDcfvbDvbgb\[];hbEW

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Where am I? Uh, I fell on the keyboard. My rash is gone! Wait...so are my lips. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Oh nevermind, I was just hallucinating. I'm never eating mushrooms again. Hey, a mushroom! OM NOM NOM! EEEEEEEEE!

Where am I? Uh oh, it's getting dark. I should build a shelter. Let's collect some bark and leaf crap! Okay, I'm at my laptop-charging tower. I'll put that twig there and that leaf there and that bark there... BEHOLD!

Not bad if I do say so myself. I'm so...perfect. And now I will doze off into a deep sleep. Hoot. WHAT WAS THAT?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!...